Divorce Abroad – Finding Inner Clarity in Times of Change

There are moments in life when the familiar suddenly disappears. A marriage that once provided stability ends – and with it, the life one knew. For those living abroad as expats, this rupture can feel particularly challenging. How does one cope when standing between two worlds – the old and the new – without knowing where they truly belong?

And how can a decision be made when the mind and heart pull in different directions? This case study illustrates how a therapeutic session can help bring inner clarity to such a significant life decision.

Between Two Worlds – A Dilemma for Expats

After a divorce, many face the challenge of rebuilding their lives. In one’s home country, this transition is already a significant upheaval – abroad, however, it can feel as if one is caught between two worlds. The old home feels distant, while the life built in a new country is no longer the same.

For Mrs M., this meant confronting a pressing question: Should she stay in Germany with her children, close to their father, who is German – or return to Brazil, to her roots and her family? The concern for her children, the uncertainty of a fresh start, and the fear of isolation made every option feel both right and impossible.

The idea of staying in Germany without her familiar support network felt oppressive. At the same time, she feared that relocating would disrupt the stability of her children’s lives. Rationally, she knew she could not separate them from their father – yet something held her back. The recent passing of her own father intensified her inner turmoil.

"Sometimes, it is not just the circumstances that cause hesitation, but deeper, often unconscious dynamics."

When Rational Thinking Reaches Its Limits

In such moments, it is worth engaging the subconscious. Stored within it are personal experiences, unfulfilled desires, and deeply ingrained needs – as well as learned strategies for handling difficult situations. These are not always consciously accessible but may surface as inner restlessness, recurring thoughts, or diffuse anxieties.

The subconscious does not operate rationally but associatively. It links past experiences with present challenges – often without our awareness. As a result, a decision that appears straightforward on a practical level may carry emotional weight that makes it feel impossible to resolve. To make these hidden influences visible, we used an imagery technique: Mrs M. visualised her emotions and followed the associations and feelings that emerged.

Her first image took her back to her childhood bedroom. She saw herself sitting in her old chair – a familiar setting. Along with the image came an old, yet recognisable feeling of invisibility. She recalled how, in her family, she had often felt overlooked and excluded. Now, she recognised how this pattern echoed in her present life – in the sense of distance she felt within German culture, in the feeling of never quite belonging.

The second image was her father’s old travel suitcase. It triggered a deep sadness – a symbol of a childhood without a present father figure. With this sadness came a realisation: What she had longed for as a child, she did not want to take away from her own children. She now understood, on a deeper level, how crucial their connection to their father was.

These images and the emotions they evoked helped her uncover a deeper layer of her conflict. Her desire to return to Brazil was not simply about the place itself but about a deeper need for belonging. At the same time, she realised it was not just the physical location she missed, but the essence of Brazilian life – a way of being that she had not actively cultivated in Germany.

Moving Forward While Honouring the Past

Mrs M. realised that belonging did not have to be tied to relocation. Instead of feeling torn between two worlds, she chose to embrace her Brazilian identity more fully in Germany. She deepened her connections within the Brazilian community, incorporated her language and cultural traditions into daily life, and arranged for extended visits to Brazil – allowing her to maintain her roots without uprooting her children.

This shift in perspective brought her a sense of peace. She did not have to force a definitive break or a radical new beginning – she could hold both worlds within her.

Finding Home Within Oneself

Many expats face not only geographical transitions but also deep emotional challenges. The fear of losing oneself between two cultures, the uncertainty of where one truly belongs – these are recurring themes in my practice. This case study illustrates how hypnosystemic therapy can help bring clarity, even when no option initially feels entirely right.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, or if a decision is weighing on you, I invite you to explore this process together. Sometimes, all it takes is a moment of stillness to recognise what truly matters. Let us discover how you can shape an authentic path between these worlds. Schedule an initial consultation here.